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45 to 45 - Day 9: An old 'friend' can be a good teacher

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A place for me to share with you my experiences of being human & divine.

45 to 45 - Day 9: An old 'friend' can be a good teacher

Tracy Wendroff-Rawnicki

Ok. Ok. Full disclosure here. I have allowed my mindset practice to wane these last few weeks. And boy oh boy can I tell! And as a direct result, an old 'friend' has come back to roost: Low self-worth.

One way this shows up for me, is in the form of denying myself what I want. Have you ever done that?

So, when I want something, a part of me is instantly making a mental list of why I can't or shouldn't have it; listing all the reasons why I am not deserving of my desire. Convincing myself that I "shouldn't" have it or I "should" wait for another time when all the stars are aligned. (cue the eye roll). "Maybe I'll do it when I lose those 10 pounds, when I land that next client, when I finish that training or project, when I have more money, more time, more energy...."  When, when, when.

I know from experience, training, years in recovery and my studies of this work, that the belief behind this pattern of thought at its core is: "I'm not worth it, I'm worthless, I'm not worthy of having what I want."

Ouch. And yuck.

It's painful but true. Usually the reason behind me delaying gratification, is because I feel guilty or ashamed or unworthy; like I'm not important or perfect enough. I tell myself that I am not doing enough or producing enough.... It's exhausting. I'll often stay awake to continue working - burning the midnight oil for hours on end - thinking it will allow me to accomplish more, because I "should be doing more and making more," but alas, the extra hours of pushing myself, only makes me feel worse. 

Negative self-talk, self-loathing, self-punishment - it's an abusive, violent and hard to break habit.

I am ready to be done with it. Are you?

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Note: A daily mindset & meditation practice always helps me to get back on track AND when I remind myself that I would NEVER speak to my little nephews the way I speak to myself. I ask myself, how would I speak to a child that I love and adore? Compassion, kindness, positive thinking & encouragement go a long way. 

Beating myself up for not being, doing or having what I thought I would be, do or have is no way to create the change I desire. It only holds me in the struggle.  

 

Do you have a daily mindset and mediation practice?  What does that look like? What limiting beliefs do you have that you feel are holding you back the most from being, doing, and having what you desire?  I love hearing from you. Please leave your comments below. I personally read them all.. xo

 

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