Did your mom ever write you a note to excuse you from school because you had a sore throat, or tummy ache when really, you just just didn't feel like going to school or taking that test? Mine certainly did.
I was such a good little actress.
Did you ever break something and try to blame it on the cat instead of stepping up, owning your actions & admitting that you did it?
Yep, did that too. Although I didn't have a cat when I was a kid. I blamed it on my sisters (sorry girls) or denied it or just made up some other white lie so I didn't have to 'suffer the consequences' & 'take responsibility for my actions.'
I completely get and honor the fact that in some households it really and truly was not safe. However, now, as an adult, you know better. And yet, you continue to propagate the same behaviors & thought patterns that keep you responding with this 'knee-jerk' reaction.
Somewhere in your brain, you have been conditioned to run away, hide & avoid taking responsibility so you can still be loved, accepted and not 'get in trouble.' A little white lie never hurt anyone, right?
I beg to differ. Your little white lies are hurting YOU.
Not being honest with yourself is a grave form of self-betrayal & self-abandonment.
It is a way to avoid admitting your actual desires. And instead of taking responsibility and going after your desires, you mute your truth & make your choices based on some white lie that you've told yourself for so long that even you have started to believe it.
If you don't learn a healthier way of dealing with your fear, guilt, shame and other feelings, these little white lies you tell yourself become your "false truths." They will govern your adult life and keep you convinced that you can't be honest, with yourself or others, because you won't be accepted or loved as you are. If no one knows the truth except you, you can control the reactions around you to keep you safe, loved & accepted.
I get it. Trust me on this. I operated this way for a very long time.
Trying to manage everyone's expectations of you is exhausting and unsustainable. Isn't it time for you to take back your power and choose what is right for you regardless of what other people think, do or say?
Your white lies are effecting your health, happiness, quality of life and the level of success you allow in to all of your experiences.
Think you're immune? Here's a loving reality check for you.
As an adult, how often have you said any of these lines:
I'd love to but, I don't have the time.
Wish I could but, I don't have the money.
I want to but, I need to ask my spouse.
Yep. I know those well. I've used them all too. They are white lies you tell yourself and others so you do not have to do the deeper work in order to understand why you have these go-to excuses in the first place. The deeper work will uncover your truth AND the truth shall set you free!
So you tell the lie, and then you run away or dodge the situation altogether because the little kid inside of you is terrified that you might have to actually tell the truth and admit what you really want. So to avoid this 'risk' you tell yourself:
I'll just avoid having the conversation altogether and send a text or email instead.
I'll just pretend the exchange never happened. If I ignore it & maybe it will all just go away?
Having the conversation is just too confrontational & I'm a peaceful person. I hate confrontation.
Even this peace loving hippie chick knows that's a load of crap.
The only person you are afraid of confronting is yourself. Avoiding a conversation with someone is done for a few of reasons:
- You don't want to 'risk' admitting what you desire or having someone know what you truly desire.
- You are afraid what others will think, feel or do when you speak your truth.
- Admitting what you truly desire feels scary & overwhelming & impossible, so why bother?
Let me provide you with some relief here.
What other people think of you is NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS.
Stop worrying about living your life to make others love you and start loving yourself instead. THAT is what will gain you the quality of respect, love and acceptance that you are really seeking anyway.